If you’re still not sure that 911 Marriage is right for you, then take this 4 day challenge. It comes from the after-care program and if you use these instructions over the next 4 days, you’ll see a definite improvement in your communication.
Have you and your spouse ever gone round and round, talked for HOURS and gotten nowhere?? This 4 day challenge will put a stop to useless, painful communication like that.
Just sign up below, confirm in the confirmation email, then Saturday, October 10 we’ll send exact instructions on how to improve your marriage in 4 days.
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Additional instructions will be coming daily by email,
so if you haven’t signed up yet —>
Step 1: View the video
Get the Flash Player to see this player.
Step 2: Download the PDF Instructions Right click, then hit “Save…as…”. This may not work in Internet Explorer. If not, either left click then save or download Firefox
Step 3: Set aside time to DO the CHALLENGE
Step 4: Record here what you learned from processing your discussion. Only one of you needs to post. A paragraph is sufficient. Be sure to make a post for each of the four days you process and incident.
what timing our 29th anniversary is Oct 10
I am interested in your 4 days challenge
I have posted before-have been actively participating in the ARC website and sources for about 2 months now. My husband has been having an affair with the same woman for about two years now. They did stop some contact for awhile but for almost a year my husband has been hiding his contact back with this woman. We began weekly marriage counseling again in July and he has been reluctant to be inspired to work on our marriage and to be honest within the forums of counseling. Most recently, he has moved out. Leaving us as a family financially burdened. He has changed passwords on internet accounts. I am devastated. I am heartbroken. I currently cannot even be around him or want to talk to him. We have 3 small children, and he must share some time with them. All I want to do is curl up and cry! When will this get better??
Get an attorney.
I guess that’s one thing you could do. – Rick
I am looking forward to this challenge.
Verbal interaction has always been the weakest part or our marriage.
I just finished watching the video and downloading instructions. I’m not sure how this will work for us since we have very minimal communication. Since we don’t talk we don’t fight. Our conversations are just swapping schedules for the week which is usually done over the phone. With 5 kids going different directions we don’t spend time together so we have been able to ignore & suppress the pain of his numerous affairs. I think the challenge sounds great, but I did have quite a strong reaction to the idea of me taking blame for his affairs. I don’t think I could ever say I had a part to play in his betrayals. Obviously, my pain is still there just buried.
Melinda,
This is nothing and I mean nothing with you taking responsibility for his affairs. This is only you taking responsibility for what you might have done in the conversation that caused the conversation to fail. We’re not talking about past behaviors. I’ll clarify in tonight’s video. RR
We completed the exercise, I felt a little like Melinda at first, but now I understand.
My husband and I don’t really get into arguments because we both don’t like to agrue and we try to discuss things and he is really a quiet natured person. The only really argument was his infidelity and it was not an argument, I was very angry and doing all the talking, yelling..etc… and he was upset, but not at me, at himself for the pain he was putting me through. We did go back and discuss this and used the instructions as a guide and it went well, he really shared alot with me and most of it was a repeat but it was still nice to hear.
Thanks Rick
Rick–
We finished the day 1 exercise–late in getting started.
Denny and I were blissfully not at odds at the moment, so we used a regrettable incident from last week. It had been a very highly emotionally charged incident that really had not been resolved, but rather dropped “to be continued” later.
Denny said he learned that a regrettable incident can be dealt with and not allowed to fester over 2, 3 or 4 days by using the instructions as outlined–Denny is an outline sort of guy–:) . I guess the thing that impacted me the most was looking at how to change our behavior so we could do it differently next time and hopefully defuse the situation before it escalates.
Wendy
It was hard to get him to participate but once we talked about a big blow up it really helped! I realized I was really flooded at the time and we were in the car so I was pretty claustrophobic. He tends to get defensive and it was helpful to look at our conflict with a little space. We have done better at sharing our feelings instead of blaming or getting defensive. It goes much better that way. It’s helpful to know that feelings are neither right nor wrong and we both feel more “heard”.
I believe many husbands/unfaithful partners actually do fall in love with their affair partner – they actually dent it and say it was only sex but a relationship that goes on for 2 years with talking and texting several times a week has to have love and caring involved.
Agree??
Agree. I asked my husband if he told his OW that he loved her, and he said “not really”. I knew that meant yes. He will not answer my questions about certain parts of the affair, what did he pay for, did he tell her he would move her to our hometown (she lives 120 miles away), when did they first become lovers. I feel that these are questions that I deserve an answer to, and until I get them I will never trust him. I feel that he is protecting her by protecting “their secrets”. I cannot get him to go to counseling…he said I could go. He feels better about himself now that its “out” and “over with”, but he does not understand or care about what I am going through (it will be 2 years in August since I found out). Three days ago I took a knife and ripped up my wedding dress and threw it in the trash. That’s how I feel about our 33 years of marriage. I am still here, I will be 60 next year and financially cannot support myself. As far as “being in love” with the OW, I think they mostly are in love with themselves and the attention that the OW is giving them. What kind of love is that? Selfish love.
You’re right. – Rick
I am a pastor and have found this website of great help to me. Thanks a mil.
There are two things I want to ask you.
Do you do any of these courses in England. I am taking sabatical in OCT/NOV of 2010 and would like to attend this course to learn. I do regular marriage counseling and in particular with affairs and sexual related problems within marriage. You therefore understand my request,,on the other hand would the DVD go a long way in helping me if I am unable to attend. ( I am married with two married daughters who serve our Lord with Husbands in their local churches, one of them is also a minister.) and finance is always a challenge.
Secondly, I have been asked to address the matter if infidelity amongs our pastors at our general meeting, the particular dangers that comes because of the nature of our work, and how to build the neccessary hedges around our marriages and ministry to safegaurd it and not bring dishonor on Christ . I would appreciateit your insights on this very important matter.
On another matter. A husband went overseas to America for a month leaving his newly wed wife behind. In that time he has a fling with a married woman but insists that although he spent a night with her they did everything but not actaul intercourse. He comes from a home where he had just about no emotional bonding with his parents and had to very much care for himself among a very large number of brothers and step brothers.
He does not seek out sex with his wife and if he does seek it out it has to very cxontrolled, he hated body fluids, and would get up straight after sex and clean up. Sex does not really happen ion that he battles wioth erection problems and she feels pain upon penetration. They are both 30 and in very good shape physically. They use ample K y jelly and have tried several different positions to see if it makes a difference for her….but because of his lack of firmness they don’t get very far. He has been to a doctoe and there is nothing physically wrong.
SiSo it leaves me with the psychgological and childhood stuff. But please , what do you suggest for both of them.
BEAUTIFUL!!!
A work of art!!!
thank you, from the bottom of my heart
I hope for some apology from my husband who had a 2 years affair. I have had to force him to even say sorry. He says he’s sorry he hurt me but never sorry he had her. So I presume he’s not sorry. He has never asked for forgiveness.
This feels fundamental to me.
Any comments
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I believe many husbands/unfaithful partners actually do fall in love with their affair partner – they actually dent it and say it was only sex but a relationship that goes on for 2 years with talking and texting several times a week has to have love and caring involved.
Agree??