Comments for 911 Marriage http://www.911marriageonline.com Healing the Hurt of Infidelity, Affairs, and Sexual Addiction Wed, 23 Jun 2010 11:39:27 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Cheryl http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-2/#comment-1288 Cheryl Wed, 23 Jun 2010 11:39:27 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-1288 The most difficult aspect of his affair and our recovery is the dreaded question of why. I understand that why can be many things. My husband is just not able to understand what led him to do what he did. This terrifies me because I believe that if that question cannot be answered it makes it almost impossible to prevent it from happening again. I believe we need to understand what led him to the affair and what allowed him to make the decision that he did to have an affair and continue it for six months. One other issue is the fact that they had unprotected sex and he put my very life in danger. The most difficult aspect of his affair and our recovery is the dreaded question of why. I understand that why can be many things. My husband is just not able to understand what led him to do what he did. This terrifies me because I believe that if that question cannot be answered it makes it almost impossible to prevent it from happening again. I believe we need to understand what led him to the affair and what allowed him to make the decision that he did to have an affair and continue it for six months. One other issue is the fact that they had unprotected sex and he put my very life in danger.

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Matt K http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-2/#comment-1285 Matt K Fri, 04 Jun 2010 05:54:22 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-1285 After finding out that my W had been having an affair with my best friend whom I had served with in a warzone I tried to fix things. She at first did not want to end it. We have 4 kids. This was a total shock to me considering that the guy was also in the middle of a divorce and had cheated on his own wife upwards of 12 times while claiming to be a christian. Their plan was to not tell me and quietly get their divorces so they could be together. 6 months off and on with him down the road she realized he was not the man she thought he was and began to soften towards me. I came back from the warzone after those 6 months and we began to heal. I was still hurt, but doing better after 1 year from the affair, but she kept wanting to quit. She finally broke down one morning and tearfully admitted to me that God convicted her, and that he was not the only one she had been with. 6 months before the affair with my best friend she had been with one other good friend/boss of mine intimately(not full intercourse) on 2 ocassions. This was fully 2 years from now. After trying to heal for over a year I was devastated completely. I was back to square one and this time felt trapped. As one of the other comments on here said, "the light left my eyes". MY Question is: How do you get a wife who has a problem with boundaries to realize that she is wrong and must set better limits?? After finding out that my W had been having an affair with my best friend whom I had served with in a warzone I tried to fix things. She at first did not want to end it. We have 4 kids. This was a total shock to me considering that the guy was also in the middle of a divorce and had cheated on his own wife upwards of 12 times while claiming to be a christian. Their plan was to not tell me and quietly get their divorces so they could be together. 6 months off and on with him down the road she realized he was not the man she thought he was and began to soften towards me. I came back from the warzone after those 6 months and we began to heal. I was still hurt, but doing better after 1 year from the affair, but she kept wanting to quit. She finally broke down one morning and tearfully admitted to me that God convicted her, and that he was not the only one she had been with. 6 months before the affair with my best friend she had been with one other good friend/boss of mine intimately(not full intercourse) on 2 ocassions. This was fully 2 years from now. After trying to heal for over a year I was devastated completely. I was back to square one and this time felt trapped. As one of the other comments on here said, “the light left my eyes”. MY Question is: How do you get a wife who has a problem with boundaries to realize that she is wrong and must set better limits??

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Bruce http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-2/#comment-1177 Bruce Sat, 22 May 2010 00:11:05 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-1177 Thank you Rick ...I think he sees but is still compartmentalizing because he feels he is RESPONSIBLE for her and them > I have had several biblical scholars who are also very invested in family issues and especially the study of the WORD regarding what a father's responsibilities are ...and they all conclude this ongoing active feeling he has usurps the covenant marriage protocol AS well as serves no good purpose for the other woman or the children , The humanist manifesto as fed to our culture has laid the care of those who are in need upon ALL of us ...We as Christians do well to examine who JESUS concerned Himself with ...HE ALWAYS obeyed the Father ,..whose priorities are pretty clear for all of us. We are to love and honor GOD FIRST and then in the "pecking order' the next would be those who are 'doing the will of His FATHER .." as HE identified who his mother and brother are ...His payer in John chapter 17 set forth that he did not pray for the WORLD but those who the Father had given him Many people like to point out that Jesus said he did not come to 'judge '' the world but to save it ...THAT is because HE came to save those who were WILLING to follow HIM and HIS WORDS ...because the WORLD had ALREADY been JUDGED at the time of the FALL and thus NEEDED saving ! The idea that JESUS did not judge is not OF the truth ...ALL GOD'S ways are judgment Jesus said the criterion for judging any thing as to find out how it lines up with GOD'S WILL is HIS WORDS, thus we are not without ability to KNOW what is the RIGHTEOUS WAY to make decisions and do right . The battle comes when people ASSUME that they KNOW what is "RIGHT " by their feelings or by the standards of the culture ..and they do not KNOW what the WORD of GOD says IN it's entire context upon any subject... Many are aware that we get into trouble in churches and in general when we assume we know what the Bible says without checking it out IN the Scriptures... The need in our household is for GOD'S WORD to be held high and regarded as the last word on any subject . There is also a need for support to make RIGHTEOUS determinations as to the correct action to be taken based upon GOD'S foundation as to WHAT and WHO is to be regarded in this issue...MARRIAGE is second only to GOD Himself in priority of concern My husband began his decent into this situation when he rejected anyone including GOD to tell him what was right. His rejection of anyone telling him what was at cross purposes to his decision was sown into his mind by his parents ...at the time I did not really think about the effects they would have upon his thinking ..as I thought his going to Bible classes and getting involved in the fellowship would grow his knowledge and love for GOD he would mature . The things I have learned SINCE that time 30 years ago is that of course knowledge of the WORD alone does not make a believer...if that were true the various Pharisees had LOADS of what they needed to recognize who JESUS was but did not know him Their 'riches ' of their head knowledge , their status as 'leaders ' in the synagogue blinded them to the very fulfillment of all that they had consumed and memorized from the scriptures....Jesus actually confronted and condemned this as he told them ...Search the scriptures for IN THEM ye THINK ye HAVE eternal life ..but you will not COME TO ME that you might receive LIFE. They were of course offended ...WHO are YOU to tell us ! This kind of intellectual pride...combined with willful ignorance and then willful rebellion and shunning of accountability was grown in his family ...I just thought he would be a man of his word ..and believed his action ..it was fine until ...UNTIL he began to be involved with CORPorate training ...and his desire to be separate from the Lord ...it was embarrassing for him Just as the parable of the sower ...which is more accurately titled "the parable of the SOILS" ...His soil was not prepared to receive the Word with intent to take it to heart and obey it ...MEEKNEES SO ...WILL he receive any help? HE SAYS he is willing ...but I think this ONE Stronghold of feeling he MUST provide for all of them is very difficult He wants to be married TO ME ...he wants to 'get it right' >>>HE seems to be sorry and trying to 'make it up to me' the thing is that I am willing to make compromises except where the scriptures are VERY clear about what marriage is ...I did not sign up for marriage to a divorcee ..because I do not believe that is what scripture allows ... I did not choose to marry what I thought was an unbeliever and nothing as I took the time to evaluate by what I DID understand at that point indicated to me that he wasn't I did not sign up to have an "ADDITION " added to our ONE FLESH ..and I do not think it will work to try to build our foundation on an OLD one that remains IN our marriage if not in a sexual way ...in his HEART .. The divide heart ..the divide house...it just NOT God's will for marriage HE has to find a way to allow SOME other way for him to provide support and ONLY for the children and allow HER to take the responsibility for her own life and decision . Sadly he WANTS to have a relationship with the children ..at this point I think it would be more damageing going forward FOR ALL concerned .. I do not think he has been able to really identify WHAT HE has done fully because he is assigning my pain TO ME ...as if HIS continuing actions have nothing to do with MY continuing pain. He needs perhaps the peer pressure of men who have more experience in SEEING this behavior as DAMAGING to the healing he claims to want to 'get on with' He also claims MY discussion with my daughters is preventing their healing ..they are 26 and 19 and have grown up with their mother sharing all of her various trials with them as a means of TEACHING and instructing of what I have been learning about HOW to deal with life's issues from a study to learn what my response and action should be according to what I could learn from study of it in the WORD. This has been the way homeschooling believers have found instruction is shared as they apply the word to all of life. So YES I do share this with them ..they LIVE with us ..and they have been damaged and stolen from for all those years...and even now their lives are greatly effected as is the life of my son who has not moved her but lives in another state where he is working age 24. The effects of this on adult children is huge and not even being addressed as yet...He seems to think that not seeing them in a state of unhappiness that they are OK and it is only ME that is deeply effected and that MY state is more of the harmful thing that how his actions have effected them This is a form of denial and escape from the deeper issues that HE has that caused him to flee intimacy and the kind of inclusion that is needed in marriage ...I did not realize that I was ENTITLED to be include into his life ..as now I see the word tells us in Genesis ...I though that he would gradually grow to open up but he did not ..in fact he seems to prefer relationships ..including the one with his adulteress that only skim the surface ...even his relationships with children are more for FUN things and he avoids any kind of setting limits... I have tried to submit to what the WORD says ..and to honor and respect him ...but as has been seen in study ALL who are Christian submit to the LORD and thus ..as the man does this he does not assume that HE is entitled to 'respect ' regardless to his neglect of obedient sacrificial love and care of his wife. My husband gets by with his looks, charm , and humor and is very inventive...he is a diligent worker and provides well for his family ...He is convinced of his having fulfilled his responsibilities to our family because he paid the bills...but his LIFE has been distributed throughout this many admirers and those who 'need' his energy and time ./. This is common among many who want to 'help ' others to the neglect of their most foundational relationships ..as we often see among ministers, executives [!] and people intent upon changing the world at the expense of their families' God even told us that we were 'bought with a price we are not our own .,be not servants of men" that does not mean we do not help others but if we REALLY want to avoid harming others keeping godly priorities will facilitate REALLY helping Our culture is so damaged now as people have broken families ...the UNITS of culture and society because they FELT they needed to serve others rather than tending to the First commandment .. Everyone like to DO ..and they seem to leap OVER the first commandment which demands we DIE to SELF ...first ... The second actually is impossible to do correctly without submission and compliance with the first THANK YOU for your helpful input ...I will continue to pursue this help and I DO thank you for your ongoing efforts in petitions before the throne...OUR GOD JESUS ...loves Thank you Rick …I think he sees but is still compartmentalizing because he feels he is RESPONSIBLE for her and them > I have had several biblical scholars who are also very invested in family issues and especially the study of the WORD regarding what a father’s responsibilities are …and they all conclude this ongoing active feeling he has usurps the covenant marriage protocol AS well as serves no good purpose for the other woman or the children ,

The humanist manifesto as fed to our culture has laid the care of those who are in need upon ALL of us …We as Christians do well to examine who JESUS concerned Himself with …HE ALWAYS obeyed the Father ,..whose priorities are pretty clear for all of us.

We are to love and honor GOD FIRST and then in the “pecking order’ the next would be those who are ‘doing the will of His FATHER ..” as HE identified who his mother and brother are …His payer in John chapter 17 set forth that he did not pray for the WORLD but those who the Father had given him

Many people like to point out that Jesus said he did not come to ‘judge ” the world but to save it …THAT is because HE came to save those who were WILLING to follow HIM and HIS WORDS …because the WORLD had ALREADY been JUDGED at the time of the FALL and thus NEEDED saving !

The idea that JESUS did not judge is not OF the truth …ALL GOD’S ways are judgment

Jesus said the criterion for judging any thing as to find out how it lines up with GOD’S WILL is HIS WORDS, thus we are not without ability to KNOW what is the RIGHTEOUS WAY to make decisions and do right .

The battle comes when people ASSUME that they KNOW what is “RIGHT ” by their feelings or by the standards of the culture ..and they do not KNOW what the WORD of GOD says IN it’s entire context upon any subject…

Many are aware that we get into trouble in churches and in general when we assume we know what the Bible says without checking it out IN the Scriptures…

The need in our household is for GOD’S WORD to be held high and regarded as the last word on any subject .

There is also a need for support to make RIGHTEOUS determinations as to the correct action to be taken based upon GOD’S foundation as to WHAT and WHO is to be regarded in this issue…MARRIAGE is second only to GOD Himself in priority of concern

My husband began his decent into this situation when he rejected anyone including GOD to tell him what was right.

His rejection of anyone telling him what was at cross purposes to his decision was sown into his mind by his parents …at the time I did not really think about the effects they would have upon his thinking ..as I thought his going to Bible classes and getting involved in the fellowship would grow his knowledge and love for GOD he would mature .

The things I have learned SINCE that time 30 years ago is that of course knowledge of the WORD alone does not make a believer…if that were true the various Pharisees had LOADS of what they needed to recognize who JESUS was but did not know him

Their ‘riches ‘ of their head knowledge , their status as ‘leaders ‘ in the synagogue blinded them to the very fulfillment of all that they had consumed and memorized from the scriptures….Jesus actually confronted and condemned this as he told them …Search the scriptures for IN THEM ye THINK ye HAVE eternal life ..but you will not COME TO ME that you might receive LIFE.

They were of course offended …WHO are YOU to tell us !

This kind of intellectual pride…combined with willful ignorance and then willful rebellion and shunning of accountability was grown in his family …I just thought he would be a man of his word ..and believed his action ..it was fine until …UNTIL he began to be involved with CORPorate training …and his desire to be separate from the Lord …it was embarrassing for him

Just as the parable of the sower …which is more accurately titled “the parable of the SOILS” …His soil was not prepared to receive the Word with intent to take it to heart and obey it …MEEKNEES

SO …WILL he receive any help? HE SAYS he is willing …but I think this ONE Stronghold of feeling he MUST provide for all of them is very difficult

He wants to be married TO ME …he wants to ‘get it right’ >>>HE seems to be sorry and trying to ‘make it up to me’ the thing is that I am willing to make compromises except where the scriptures are VERY clear about what marriage is …I did not sign up for marriage to a divorcee ..because I do not believe that is what scripture allows …

I did not choose to marry what I thought was an unbeliever and nothing as I took the time to evaluate by what I DID understand at that point indicated to me that he wasn’t

I did not sign up to have an “ADDITION ” added to our ONE FLESH ..and I do not think it will work to try to build our foundation on an OLD one that remains IN our marriage if not in a sexual way …in his HEART ..

The divide heart ..the divide house…it just NOT God’s will for marriage

HE has to find a way to allow SOME other way for him to provide support and ONLY for the children and allow HER to take the responsibility for her own life and decision .

Sadly he WANTS to have a relationship with the children ..at this point I think it would be more damageing going forward FOR ALL concerned ..

I do not think he has been able to really identify WHAT HE has done fully because he is assigning my pain TO ME …as if HIS continuing actions have nothing to do with MY continuing pain.

He needs perhaps the peer pressure of men who have more experience in SEEING this behavior as DAMAGING to the healing he claims to want to ‘get on with’

He also claims MY discussion with my daughters is preventing their healing ..they are 26 and 19 and have grown up with their mother sharing all of her various trials with them as a means of TEACHING and instructing of what I have been learning about HOW to deal with life’s issues from a study to learn what my response and action should be according to what I could learn from study of it in the WORD.

This has been the way homeschooling believers have found instruction is shared as they apply the word to all of life.

So YES I do share this with them ..they LIVE with us ..and they have been damaged and stolen from for all those years…and even now their lives are greatly effected as is the life of my son who has not moved her but lives in another state where he is working age 24.

The effects of this on adult children is huge and not even being addressed as yet…He seems to think that not seeing them in a state of unhappiness that they are OK and it is only ME that is deeply effected and that MY state is more of the harmful thing that how his actions have effected them

This is a form of denial and escape from the deeper issues that HE has that caused him to flee intimacy and the kind of inclusion that is needed in marriage …I did not realize that I was ENTITLED to be include into his life ..as now I see the word tells us in Genesis …I though that he would gradually grow to open up but he did not ..in fact he seems to prefer relationships ..including the one with his adulteress that only skim the surface …even his relationships with children are more for FUN things and he avoids any kind of setting limits…

I have tried to submit to what the WORD says ..and to honor and respect him …but as has been seen in study ALL who are Christian submit to the LORD and thus ..as the man does this he does not assume that HE is entitled to ‘respect ‘ regardless to his neglect of obedient sacrificial love and care of his wife.

My husband gets by with his looks, charm , and humor and is very inventive…he is a diligent worker and provides well for his family …He is convinced of his having fulfilled his responsibilities to our family because he paid the bills…but his LIFE has been distributed throughout this many admirers and those who ‘need’ his energy and time ./.

This is common among many who want to ‘help ‘ others to the neglect of their most foundational relationships ..as we often see among ministers, executives [!] and people intent upon changing the world at the expense of their families’

God even told us that we were ‘bought with a price we are not our own .,be not servants of men” that does not mean we do not help others but if we REALLY want to avoid harming others keeping godly priorities will facilitate REALLY helping

Our culture is so damaged now as people have broken families …the UNITS of culture and society because they FELT they needed to serve others rather than tending to the First commandment ..

Everyone like to DO ..and they seem to leap OVER the first commandment which demands we DIE to SELF …first …

The second actually is impossible to do correctly without submission and compliance with the first

THANK YOU for your helpful input …I will continue to pursue this help and I DO thank you for your ongoing efforts in petitions before the throne…OUR GOD JESUS …loves

]]> Comment on This one thing will improve your marriage in 4 days by Bruce http://www.911marriageonline.com/2009/10/09/4daychallenge/comment-page-1/#comment-1139 Bruce Wed, 19 May 2010 14:45:22 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=390#comment-1139 I believe many husbands/unfaithful partners actually do fall in love with their affair partner - they actually dent it and say it was only sex but a relationship that goes on for 2 years with talking and texting several times a week has to have love and caring involved. Agree?? I believe many husbands/unfaithful partners actually do fall in love with their affair partner – they actually dent it and say it was only sex but a relationship that goes on for 2 years with talking and texting several times a week has to have love and caring involved.

Agree??

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Y Hou http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-2/#comment-1083 Y Hou Wed, 12 May 2010 01:23:22 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-1083 The most difficult thing for me is to forgive the affair partner's lover. He is a thief who stole my wife when she was vulnerable. In my heart, I wanted to hurt his wife and children and then kill him. But I belong to my Lord Jesus and he commanded me to forgive. It was a lot of struggle to forgive him, but I obey my Master. The most difficult thing for me is to forgive the affair partner’s lover. He is a thief who stole my wife when she was vulnerable. In my heart, I wanted to hurt his wife and children and then kill him. But I belong to my Lord Jesus and he commanded me to forgive. It was a lot of struggle to forgive him, but I obey my Master.

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Amy http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-2/#comment-1013 Amy Fri, 23 Apr 2010 07:12:56 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-1013 The most difficult issue for my husband and I since the revelation of his affair 2 years ago is him being honest with me about the affair. When he first started to share with me the details of his affair my reaction of shock, hurt and disappointment affected him to a point where he is afraid to tell me more thinking that it will hurt me to a point that I may leave him. I've told him many time that if he wants me to ever trust him again he has to be honest with me but I can't seem to get through to him. Our therapist has also told him how important it is for him to be honest but he hasn't been able to get through to him either. The most difficult issue for my husband and I since the revelation of his affair 2 years ago is him being honest with me about the affair. When he first started to share with me the details of his affair my reaction of shock, hurt and disappointment affected him to a point where he is afraid to tell me more thinking that it will hurt me to a point that I may leave him. I’ve told him many time that if he wants me to ever trust him again he has to be honest with me but I can’t seem to get through to him. Our therapist has also told him how important it is for him to be honest but he hasn’t been able to get through to him either.

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Jaye http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-2/#comment-899 Jaye Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:32:40 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-899 After almost 7 months post-discovery and with good therapy, we have a marriage more rewarding than ever, but I am struggling with thoughts that bombard my happiness, such as: 1. He had an affair for 5 years, and if he was able to pull that off without my knowledge, perhaps he is still doing so (although he seems to be fully vested in our healing). 2. Even if he isn't, I wonder if he thinks of her often, does he miss her, etc.? Will he let me know if I am not meeting all his needs? What do his feelings for her look like now? Does he feel responsible for her, and will he feel the need to contact her? Will he eventually be drawn back in by the excitement of the affair? If so, will I have the courage to end my marriage? I feel as if I'm just "waiting for the other shoe to drop." 3. I make comparisons constantly. How much of his sense of humor/interests reflect something he learned from her? Did he touch her in the same way? How did she respond? What did she do that caused so much joy for him that he was able to consider me (and the kids) disposable? All unproductive thoughts, I know, but a daily struggle... After almost 7 months post-discovery and with good therapy, we have a marriage more rewarding than ever, but I am struggling with thoughts that bombard my happiness, such as:

1. He had an affair for 5 years, and if he was able to pull that off without my knowledge, perhaps he is still doing so (although he seems to be fully vested in our healing).
2. Even if he isn’t, I wonder if he thinks of her often, does he miss her, etc.? Will he let me know if I am not meeting all his needs? What do his feelings for her look like now? Does he feel responsible for her, and will he feel the need to contact her? Will he eventually be drawn back in by the excitement of the affair? If so, will I have the courage to end my marriage? I feel as if I’m just “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
3. I make comparisons constantly. How much of his sense of humor/interests reflect something he learned from her? Did he touch her in the same way? How did she respond? What did she do that caused so much joy for him that he was able to consider me (and the kids) disposable?

All unproductive thoughts, I know, but a daily struggle…

]]> Comment on This one thing will improve your marriage in 4 days by BARBARA HANSEN http://www.911marriageonline.com/2009/10/09/4daychallenge/comment-page-1/#comment-897 BARBARA HANSEN Tue, 23 Mar 2010 22:42:24 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=390#comment-897 nice excellent website yea nice work our review website will soon be adding reviews on websites and add them to our websites as the top best 1000 websites to visit we also do reviews on Product Reviews all types of reviews thank you nice excellent website yea nice work our review website will soon be adding reviews on websites and add them to our websites as the top best 1000 websites to visit we also do reviews on Product Reviews all types of reviews thank you

]]> Comment on Enroll today in 911 Marriage by admin http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/18/enrollment/comment-page-1/#comment-896 admin Mon, 22 Mar 2010 14:09:14 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=626#comment-896 Hi Sue, We've had several overseas couples, including one from Australia. Our conference call system allows free participation over the internet. You would need to download a small, simple, free program and have a microphone and headphones. It wouldn't cost anything to call, though. Please let us know if you have any other questions. Erin Hi Sue,

We’ve had several overseas couples, including one from Australia. Our conference call system allows free participation over the internet. You would need to download a small, simple, free program and have a microphone and headphones. It wouldn’t cost anything to call, though. Please let us know if you have any other questions.

Erin

]]> Comment on Enroll today in 911 Marriage by Rick_Reynolds http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/18/enrollment/comment-page-1/#comment-892 Rick_Reynolds Fri, 19 Mar 2010 23:13:27 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=626#comment-892 We have many people who have participated in the program from over seas. If you'll let Erin know what you need time wise we may be able to find something. Also you might consider using Sype. That's how we deal with the cost of over seas calls. I do hope and pray you find what you're looking for. We have many people who have participated in the program from over seas. If you’ll let Erin know what you need time wise we may be able to find something. Also you might consider using Sype. That’s how we deal with the cost of over seas calls.

I do hope and pray you find what you’re looking for.

]]> Comment on Enroll today in 911 Marriage by Sue http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/18/enrollment/comment-page-1/#comment-888 Sue Thu, 18 Mar 2010 20:58:10 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=626#comment-888 We would have loved to do your course but because we live in Australia the cost of calls and the time frames are a problem. We are searching for something like this here. No luck yet! We would have loved to do your course but because we live in Australia the cost of calls and the time frames are a problem. We are searching for something like this here. No luck yet!

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Sharon http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-884 Sharon Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:35:26 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-884 It's been a little over 4 yrs since dooms day which was day after we had our 2nd child. Other woman came to me in hospital to disclose everything including their 2 yr old son. We confronted my husband as he was lying to her as well saying we were getting a divorce soon, but then she found out I just had a baby w/him. They supposedly ended that day, but I feel that they just cooled it off for awhile and started back up again until last summer when she finally filed for child support. I was getting letters in the mail telling me about them and then getting text messages almost daily about them meeting, only to find out there is now a 2nd child she claims is his. He has flat out denied they continued and the 2nd child is his. I hate to end my marriage on he said/she said, but I can not trust him, cannot forgive him and it's been over 4 yrs since I found out. They were together about 4 yrs behind my back. I've spoken to and texted her numerous times trying to get proof but she won't give it to me. When the 2nd child was born, it was a twin and the girl was stillborn. I can see her facebook page and myspace and she has a picture of my husband on there along w/his racecar and the 2 boys saying they are my husbands kids. I was trying to move on after finding out about the 1st child, but can not trust him nor believe him that the 2nd child is not his, especially after her mother, sister, friend and herself telling me it's his. I've asked him to take a paternity test to prove them wrong and he will NOT DO IT. When I talk to her or email her, he finds out and turns the situation around on ME that I am looking for information or proof that is not out there. Now he is giving ME another chance to get over this affair and move on, or we are through. wth?? It’s been a little over 4 yrs since dooms day which was day after we had our 2nd child. Other woman came to me in hospital to disclose everything including their 2 yr old son. We confronted my husband as he was lying to her as well saying we were getting a divorce soon, but then she found out I just had a baby w/him. They supposedly ended that day, but I feel that they just cooled it off for awhile and started back up again until last summer when she finally filed for child support. I was getting letters in the mail telling me about them and then getting text messages almost daily about them meeting, only to find out there is now a 2nd child she claims is his. He has flat out denied they continued and the 2nd child is his. I hate to end my marriage on he said/she said, but I can not trust him, cannot forgive him and it’s been over 4 yrs since I found out. They were together about 4 yrs behind my back. I’ve spoken to and texted her numerous times trying to get proof but she won’t give it to me. When the 2nd child was born, it was a twin and the girl was stillborn. I can see her facebook page and myspace and she has a picture of my husband on there along w/his racecar and the 2 boys saying they are my husbands kids. I was trying to move on after finding out about the 1st child, but can not trust him nor believe him that the 2nd child is not his, especially after her mother, sister, friend and herself telling me it’s his. I’ve asked him to take a paternity test to prove them wrong and he will NOT DO IT. When I talk to her or email her, he finds out and turns the situation around on ME that I am looking for information or proof that is not out there. Now he is giving ME another chance to get over this affair and move on, or we are through. wth??

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by kris http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-881 kris Thu, 18 Mar 2010 01:47:36 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-881 Thank you Rick ...I think he sees but is still compartmentalizing because he feels he is RESPONSIBLE for her and them > I have had several biblical scholars who are also very invested in family issues and especially the study of the WORD regarding what a father's responsibilities are ...and they all conclude this ongoing active feeling he has usurps the covenant marriage protocol AS well as serves no good purpose for the other woman or the children , The humanist manifesto as fed to our culture has laid the care of those who are in need upon ALL of us ...We as Christians do well to examine who JESUS concerned Himself with ...HE ALWAYS obeyed the Father ,..whose priorities are pretty clear for all of us. We are to love and honor GOD FIRST and then in the "pecking order' the next would be those who are 'doing the will of His FATHER .." as HE identified who his mother and brother are ...His payer in John chapter 17 set forth that he did not pray for the WORLD but those who the Father had given him Many people like to point out that Jesus said he did not come to 'judge '' the world but to save it ...THAT is because HE came to save those who were WILLING to follow HIM and HIS WORDS ...because the WORLD had ALREADY been JUDGED at the time of the FALL and thus NEEDED saving ! The idea that JESUS did not judge is not OF the truth ...ALL GOD'S ways are judgment Jesus said the criterion for judging any thing as to find out how it lines up with GOD'S WILL is HIS WORDS, thus we are not without ability to KNOW what is the RIGHTEOUS WAY to make decisions and do right . The battle comes when people ASSUME that they KNOW what is "RIGHT " by their feelings or by the standards of the culture ..and they do not KNOW what the WORD of GOD says IN it's entire context upon any subject... Many are aware that we get into trouble in churches and in general when we assume we know what the Bible says without checking it out IN the Scriptures... The need in our household is for GOD'S WORD to be held high and regarded as the last word on any subject . There is also a need for support to make RIGHTEOUS determinations as to the correct action to be taken based upon GOD'S foundation as to WHAT and WHO is to be regarded in this issue...MARRIAGE is second only to GOD Himself in priority of concern My husband began his decent into this situation when he rejected anyone including GOD to tell him what was right. His rejection of anyone telling him what was at cross purposes to his decision was sown into his mind by his parents ...at the time I did not really think about the effects they would have upon his thinking ..as I thought his going to Bible classes and getting involved in the fellowship would grow his knowledge and love for GOD he would mature . The things I have learned SINCE that time 30 years ago is that of course knowledge of the WORD alone does not make a believer...if that were true the various Pharisees had LOADS of what they needed to recognize who JESUS was but did not know him Their 'riches ' of their head knowledge , their status as 'leaders ' in the synagogue blinded them to the very fulfillment of all that they had consumed and memorized from the scriptures....Jesus actually confronted and condemned this as he told them ...Search the scriptures for IN THEM ye THINK ye HAVE eternal life ..but you will not COME TO ME that you might receive LIFE. They were of course offended ...WHO are YOU to tell us ! This kind of intellectual pride...combined with willful ignorance and then willful rebellion and shunning of accountability was grown in his family ...I just thought he would be a man of his word ..and believed his action ..it was fine until ...UNTIL he began to be involved with CORPorate training ...and his desire to be separate from the Lord ...it was embarrassing for him Just as the parable of the sower ...which is more accurately titled "the parable of the SOILS" ...His soil was not prepared to receive the Word with intent to take it to heart and obey it ...MEEKNEES SO ...WILL he receive any help? HE SAYS he is willing ...but I think this ONE Stronghold of feeling he MUST provide for all of them is very difficult He wants to be married TO ME ...he wants to 'get it right' >>>HE seems to be sorry and trying to 'make it up to me' the thing is that I am willing to make compromises except where the scriptures are VERY clear about what marriage is ...I did not sign up for marriage to a divorcee ..because I do not believe that is what scripture allows ... I did not choose to marry what I thought was an unbeliever and nothing as I took the time to evaluate by what I DID understand at that point indicated to me that he wasn't I did not sign up to have an "ADDITION " added to our ONE FLESH ..and I do not think it will work to try to build our foundation on an OLD one that remains IN our marriage if not in a sexual way ...in his HEART .. The divide heart ..the divide house...it just NOT God's will for marriage HE has to find a way to allow SOME other way for him to provide support and ONLY for the children and allow HER to take the responsibility for her own life and decision . Sadly he WANTS to have a relationship with the children ..at this point I think it would be more damageing going forward FOR ALL concerned .. I do not think he has been able to really identify WHAT HE has done fully because he is assigning my pain TO ME ...as if HIS continuing actions have nothing to do with MY continuing pain. He needs perhaps the peer pressure of men who have more experience in SEEING this behavior as DAMAGING to the healing he claims to want to 'get on with' He also claims MY discussion with my daughters is preventing their healing ..they are 26 and 19 and have grown up with their mother sharing all of her various trials with them as a means of TEACHING and instructing of what I have been learning about HOW to deal with life's issues from a study to learn what my response and action should be according to what I could learn from study of it in the WORD. This has been the way homeschooling believers have found instruction is shared as they apply the word to all of life. So YES I do share this with them ..they LIVE with us ..and they have been damaged and stolen from for all those years...and even now their lives are greatly effected as is the life of my son who has not moved her but lives in another state where he is working age 24. The effects of this on adult children is huge and not even being addressed as yet...He seems to think that not seeing them in a state of unhappiness that they are OK and it is only ME that is deeply effected and that MY state is more of the harmful thing that how his actions have effected them This is a form of denial and escape from the deeper issues that HE has that caused him to flee intimacy and the kind of inclusion that is needed in marriage ...I did not realize that I was ENTITLED to be include into his life ..as now I see the word tells us in Genesis ...I though that he would gradually grow to open up but he did not ..in fact he seems to prefer relationships ..including the one with his adulteress that only skim the surface ...even his relationships with children are more for FUN things and he avoids any kind of setting limits... I have tried to submit to what the WORD says ..and to honor and respect him ...but as has been seen in study ALL who are Christian submit to the LORD and thus ..as the man does this he does not assume that HE is entitled to 'respect ' regardless to his neglect of obedient sacrificial love and care of his wife. My husband gets by with his looks, charm , and humor and is very inventive...he is a diligent worker and provides well for his family ...He is convinced of his having fulfilled his responsibilities to our family because he paid the bills...but his LIFE has been distributed throughout this many admirers and those who 'need' his energy and time ./. This is common among many who want to 'help ' others to the neglect of their most foundational relationships ..as we often see among ministers, executives [!] and people intent upon changing the world at the expense of their families' God even told us that we were 'bought with a price we are not our own .,be not servants of men" that does not mean we do not help others but if we REALLY want to avoid harming others keeping godly priorities will facilitate REALLY helping Our culture is so damaged now as people have broken families ...the UNITS of culture and society because they FELT they needed to serve others rather than tending to the First commandment .. Everyone like to DO ..and they seem to leap OVER the first commandment which demands we DIE to SELF ...first ... The second actually is impossible to do correctly without submission and compliance with the first THANK YOU for your helpful input ...I will continue to pursue this help and I DO thank you for your ongoing efforts in petitions before the throne...OUR GOD JESUS ...loves Thank you Rick …I think he sees but is still compartmentalizing because he feels he is RESPONSIBLE for her and them > I have had several biblical scholars who are also very invested in family issues and especially the study of the WORD regarding what a father’s responsibilities are …and they all conclude this ongoing active feeling he has usurps the covenant marriage protocol AS well as serves no good purpose for the other woman or the children ,

The humanist manifesto as fed to our culture has laid the care of those who are in need upon ALL of us …We as Christians do well to examine who JESUS concerned Himself with …HE ALWAYS obeyed the Father ,..whose priorities are pretty clear for all of us.

We are to love and honor GOD FIRST and then in the “pecking order’ the next would be those who are ‘doing the will of His FATHER ..” as HE identified who his mother and brother are …His payer in John chapter 17 set forth that he did not pray for the WORLD but those who the Father had given him

Many people like to point out that Jesus said he did not come to ‘judge ” the world but to save it …THAT is because HE came to save those who were WILLING to follow HIM and HIS WORDS …because the WORLD had ALREADY been JUDGED at the time of the FALL and thus NEEDED saving !

The idea that JESUS did not judge is not OF the truth …ALL GOD’S ways are judgment

Jesus said the criterion for judging any thing as to find out how it lines up with GOD’S WILL is HIS WORDS, thus we are not without ability to KNOW what is the RIGHTEOUS WAY to make decisions and do right .

The battle comes when people ASSUME that they KNOW what is “RIGHT ” by their feelings or by the standards of the culture ..and they do not KNOW what the WORD of GOD says IN it’s entire context upon any subject…

Many are aware that we get into trouble in churches and in general when we assume we know what the Bible says without checking it out IN the Scriptures…

The need in our household is for GOD’S WORD to be held high and regarded as the last word on any subject .

There is also a need for support to make RIGHTEOUS determinations as to the correct action to be taken based upon GOD’S foundation as to WHAT and WHO is to be regarded in this issue…MARRIAGE is second only to GOD Himself in priority of concern

My husband began his decent into this situation when he rejected anyone including GOD to tell him what was right.

His rejection of anyone telling him what was at cross purposes to his decision was sown into his mind by his parents …at the time I did not really think about the effects they would have upon his thinking ..as I thought his going to Bible classes and getting involved in the fellowship would grow his knowledge and love for GOD he would mature .

The things I have learned SINCE that time 30 years ago is that of course knowledge of the WORD alone does not make a believer…if that were true the various Pharisees had LOADS of what they needed to recognize who JESUS was but did not know him

Their ‘riches ‘ of their head knowledge , their status as ‘leaders ‘ in the synagogue blinded them to the very fulfillment of all that they had consumed and memorized from the scriptures….Jesus actually confronted and condemned this as he told them …Search the scriptures for IN THEM ye THINK ye HAVE eternal life ..but you will not COME TO ME that you might receive LIFE.

They were of course offended …WHO are YOU to tell us !

This kind of intellectual pride…combined with willful ignorance and then willful rebellion and shunning of accountability was grown in his family …I just thought he would be a man of his word ..and believed his action ..it was fine until …UNTIL he began to be involved with CORPorate training …and his desire to be separate from the Lord …it was embarrassing for him

Just as the parable of the sower …which is more accurately titled “the parable of the SOILS” …His soil was not prepared to receive the Word with intent to take it to heart and obey it …MEEKNEES

SO …WILL he receive any help? HE SAYS he is willing …but I think this ONE Stronghold of feeling he MUST provide for all of them is very difficult

He wants to be married TO ME …he wants to ‘get it right’ >>>HE seems to be sorry and trying to ‘make it up to me’ the thing is that I am willing to make compromises except where the scriptures are VERY clear about what marriage is …I did not sign up for marriage to a divorcee ..because I do not believe that is what scripture allows …

I did not choose to marry what I thought was an unbeliever and nothing as I took the time to evaluate by what I DID understand at that point indicated to me that he wasn’t

I did not sign up to have an “ADDITION ” added to our ONE FLESH ..and I do not think it will work to try to build our foundation on an OLD one that remains IN our marriage if not in a sexual way …in his HEART ..

The divide heart ..the divide house…it just NOT God’s will for marriage

HE has to find a way to allow SOME other way for him to provide support and ONLY for the children and allow HER to take the responsibility for her own life and decision .

Sadly he WANTS to have a relationship with the children ..at this point I think it would be more damageing going forward FOR ALL concerned ..

I do not think he has been able to really identify WHAT HE has done fully because he is assigning my pain TO ME …as if HIS continuing actions have nothing to do with MY continuing pain.

He needs perhaps the peer pressure of men who have more experience in SEEING this behavior as DAMAGING to the healing he claims to want to ‘get on with’

He also claims MY discussion with my daughters is preventing their healing ..they are 26 and 19 and have grown up with their mother sharing all of her various trials with them as a means of TEACHING and instructing of what I have been learning about HOW to deal with life’s issues from a study to learn what my response and action should be according to what I could learn from study of it in the WORD.

This has been the way homeschooling believers have found instruction is shared as they apply the word to all of life.

So YES I do share this with them ..they LIVE with us ..and they have been damaged and stolen from for all those years…and even now their lives are greatly effected as is the life of my son who has not moved her but lives in another state where he is working age 24.

The effects of this on adult children is huge and not even being addressed as yet…He seems to think that not seeing them in a state of unhappiness that they are OK and it is only ME that is deeply effected and that MY state is more of the harmful thing that how his actions have effected them

This is a form of denial and escape from the deeper issues that HE has that caused him to flee intimacy and the kind of inclusion that is needed in marriage …I did not realize that I was ENTITLED to be include into his life ..as now I see the word tells us in Genesis …I though that he would gradually grow to open up but he did not ..in fact he seems to prefer relationships ..including the one with his adulteress that only skim the surface …even his relationships with children are more for FUN things and he avoids any kind of setting limits…

I have tried to submit to what the WORD says ..and to honor and respect him …but as has been seen in study ALL who are Christian submit to the LORD and thus ..as the man does this he does not assume that HE is entitled to ‘respect ‘ regardless to his neglect of obedient sacrificial love and care of his wife.

My husband gets by with his looks, charm , and humor and is very inventive…he is a diligent worker and provides well for his family …He is convinced of his having fulfilled his responsibilities to our family because he paid the bills…but his LIFE has been distributed throughout this many admirers and those who ‘need’ his energy and time ./.

This is common among many who want to ‘help ‘ others to the neglect of their most foundational relationships ..as we often see among ministers, executives [!] and people intent upon changing the world at the expense of their families’

God even told us that we were ‘bought with a price we are not our own .,be not servants of men” that does not mean we do not help others but if we REALLY want to avoid harming others keeping godly priorities will facilitate REALLY helping

Our culture is so damaged now as people have broken families …the UNITS of culture and society because they FELT they needed to serve others rather than tending to the First commandment ..

Everyone like to DO ..and they seem to leap OVER the first commandment which demands we DIE to SELF …first …

The second actually is impossible to do correctly without submission and compliance with the first

THANK YOU for your helpful input …I will continue to pursue this help and I DO thank you for your ongoing efforts in petitions before the throne…OUR GOD JESUS …loves

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by dee http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-879 dee Wed, 17 Mar 2010 23:39:46 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-879 The hardest part for me is feeling like I have value as a women and his wife. Sexually there is a differnce I don't know if she was more adventerous or more exciting..I am so sad. He appears to remoseful but I don't know if it's cause he got caught he has so much guilt and shame he feels he let me down Himself down and GOD down he allowed this 0W to accompany him on a 7 day bussiness trip which I am unable to recncile within mysef were both active Christians 5 children together 30years married 23 need help The hardest part for me is feeling like I have value as a women and his wife. Sexually there is a differnce I don’t know if she was more adventerous or more exciting..I am so sad. He appears to remoseful but I don’t know if it’s cause he got caught he has so much guilt and shame he feels he let me down Himself down and GOD down he allowed this 0W to accompany him on a 7 day bussiness trip which I am unable to recncile within mysef were both active Christians 5 children together 30years married 23 need help

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Sheri http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-878 Sheri Wed, 17 Mar 2010 23:27:50 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-878 Dear Krista, I know exactly what you're talking about. My life was turned upside down by the same thing. It has been about 5 months since the disclosure. We are both going to recovery groups and meeting with the pastor. I truly live in fear daily, even though I am not finding and clues of wrong doing. All I can say is that every day I get stronger and stronger, only with Gods help. Lean on Him and He will help you!! God Bless!! Dear Krista,
I know exactly what you’re talking about. My life was turned upside down by the same thing. It has been about 5 months since the disclosure. We are both going to recovery groups and meeting with the pastor. I truly live in fear daily, even though I am not finding and clues of wrong doing. All I can say is that every day I get stronger and stronger, only with Gods help. Lean on Him and He will help you!! God Bless!!

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Christine http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-877 Christine Wed, 17 Mar 2010 22:02:53 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-877 Yes, I think he has for now...time will truly tell. He does now seem to be in a totally different place with a VERY different perspective about his choices and the impact they have had on our marriage. Yes, I think he has for now…time will truly tell. He does now seem to be in a totally different place with a VERY different perspective about his choices and the impact they have had on our marriage.

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Congratulations Robert! « 911 Marriage http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-876 Congratulations Robert! « 911 Marriage Wed, 17 Mar 2010 21:25:48 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-876 [...] Win 911Marriage for free [...] [...] Win 911Marriage for free [...]

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Lyn http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-875 Lyn Wed, 17 Mar 2010 20:27:06 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-875 One of the things that is a roadblock to our recovery is my husband's inablity to accept forgiveness from me, and to forgive himself. I think this is one of the problems that caused his sexual addiction. He can't admit he is wrong because he doesn't allow himself to be forgiven and move on. So rather that admit guilt (even on the little things) he tries to stay in denial and keep the guilt inside. He admits to what he has done with porn and affairs and I believe him, but if he can't release the guilt and let himself feel forgiven, I don't think we will get far in our relationship. One of the things that is a roadblock to our recovery is my husband’s inablity to accept forgiveness from me, and to forgive himself. I think this is one of the problems that caused his sexual addiction. He can’t admit he is wrong because he doesn’t allow himself to be forgiven and move on. So rather that admit guilt (even on the little things) he tries to stay in denial and keep the guilt inside. He admits to what he has done with porn and affairs and I believe him, but if he can’t release the guilt and let himself feel forgiven, I don’t think we will get far in our relationship.

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Sharon http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-874 Sharon Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:23:18 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-874 My toughest issue is getting over the anger and hurt and moving on. It has been over 1 1/2 years since he informed me of his affair. I forgive him, but am just not happy. How can the person who supposedly loves you the most on this earth betray you so horribly. I have trouble believing I have value in his eyes after what he seemed to do so easily to me for 18 months. I have read books and gone to counseling. He has done only 2 sessions of counseling and gone through a couple books with me (after much encouragement from me) and he thinks that is enough. If I could know that that IS truly enough, maybe I could move on easier. I don't know. I want to move away from where the OW is and start over - but I don't know if that would matter. I just don't know what to do next. My toughest issue is getting over the anger and hurt and moving on. It has been over 1 1/2 years since he informed me of his affair. I forgive him, but am just not happy. How can the person who supposedly loves you the most on this earth betray you so horribly. I have trouble believing I have value in his eyes after what he seemed to do so easily to me for 18 months. I have read books and gone to counseling. He has done only 2 sessions of counseling and gone through a couple books with me (after much encouragement from me) and he thinks that is enough. If I could know that that IS truly enough, maybe I could move on easier. I don’t know. I want to move away from where the OW is and start over – but I don’t know if that would matter. I just don’t know what to do next.

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by shelby http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-873 shelby Wed, 17 Mar 2010 15:17:21 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-873 This is pretty blunt and rude but my biggest problem is my husband. He can't stop thinking of himself and stop trying to get what he needs long enough to love anybody else. Our conversations may start with what he did to me but they always end with what he feels about himself and what he needs to be better and I always end up comforting him. Now in saying that, I know that I have to get myself in a position where I like me and I know I am loved by God and as much as I may want my husband to do and say certain things I must realize I can't make him do it. I know I need to rely on the love of the LORD instead. I KNOW that and that's exactly where I was BEFORE discovery. Now I've been knocked off the moutain and can't seem to climb my way back up. So as far as the marriage and recovering from the affair--my husband is my biggest problem, somebody needs to make him pull his head out of his rear. As far as I go--I need to reconnect with the Lord and live my life in the glow of being loved by him. This is pretty blunt and rude but my biggest problem is my husband. He can’t stop thinking of himself and stop trying to get what he needs long enough to love anybody else. Our conversations may start with what he did to me but they always end with what he feels about himself and what he needs to be better and I always end up comforting him.

Now in saying that, I know that I have to get myself in a position where I like me and I know I am loved by God and as much as I may want my husband to do and say certain things I must realize I can’t make him do it. I know I need to rely on the love of the LORD instead. I KNOW that and that’s exactly where I was BEFORE discovery. Now I’ve been knocked off the moutain and can’t seem to climb my way back up.

So as far as the marriage and recovering from the affair–my husband is my biggest problem, somebody needs to make him pull his head out of his rear.

As far as I go–I need to reconnect with the Lord and live my life in the glow of being loved by him.

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Angie http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-871 Angie Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:55:00 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-871 My main struggle is the fact that my husband doesnt want to deal with what he has done. He wants it swept under the rug. The spouse of the other person doesnt even know to this date. He feels that since he has confessed it to me and stepped down from his duties at church then he's done what he is supposed to. We tried counceling, but that meant owning up to it. So he quit - I continued by myself.. This has questioned my whole being as a wife - mother and a christian. I heard many a messages from different pastors that said God will always make a way - God will not guide where he will not provide - well to me he provided her for him. So then I started to walk away from God and continued to do so for a year or better. But through the help of a friend, who had walked my walk, I began to see that i was blaming the Lord for it all and I am currently getting closer to the Lord daily. I do not blame him anymore, I am serving him faithfully but still struggling <<< honesty there. I know if he doesnt deal with what he's done, its gonna happen again. I am considering divorce this time because he's a REPEAT offender. He threw our marriage away for her, now whats he gonna do for me? My main struggle is the fact that my husband doesnt want to deal with what he has done. He wants it swept under the rug. The spouse of the other person doesnt even know to this date. He feels that since he has confessed it to me and stepped down from his duties at church then he’s done what he is supposed to. We tried counceling, but that meant owning up to it. So he quit – I continued by myself..

This has questioned my whole being as a wife – mother and a christian. I heard many a messages from different pastors that said God will always make a way – God will not guide where he will not provide – well to me he provided her for him. So then I started to walk away from God and continued to do so for a year or better. But through the help of a friend, who had walked my walk, I began to see that i was blaming the Lord for it all and I am currently getting closer to the Lord daily. I do not blame him anymore, I am serving him faithfully but still struggling <<< honesty there.

I know if he doesnt deal with what he's done, its gonna happen again. I am considering divorce this time because he's a REPEAT offender. He threw our marriage away for her, now whats he gonna do for me?

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Angie http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-870 Angie Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:40:07 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-870 One of my most struggles and still a current struggles that He doesnt want to deal with this at all. He wants it to go away. He is a REPEAT offender. I keep telling him that if he doesnt deal with this, its gonna come back up again. I struggle with the fact that he was willing to throw away our marriage for her, but he wont even tell her husband what they done. Because to this date, he doesnt know. It could end her marriage, well what about us? I am still considering the divorce. After this time - I dont know if I could ever forgive him. He says, I wont do it again. Its not gonna happen.. Well I've heard that 3 times before. This has questioned my whole being as a christian, wife and Mother. I even walked away from the Lord for a period because I blamed him, wondered where he was, while I was still faithfully serving him and my husband wasn't. I heard soooo many messages preached my different preachers that said - God will not guide, where he will not provide. So, I said that the Lord provided her for him. Even the preachers said so - so it must be true. Thats when I started my walking away, and walked for over a year. Through a friend that has walked my walk - he, helped me see that i was blaming the Lord and I have told the Lord I was really sorry for that and am back to serving him faithfully, but still with struggles. <<<<- honest there. I don't blame him anymore. I try daily to work on the struggles, but when he wants to just sweep it under the rug (as was done previous times) I am alone with it. He feels that since he confessed to me, stepped down from his duties at church that he's done what he's supposed to do. I feel he should confess to the other spouse as well, and then deal with this stuff. One of my most struggles and still a current struggles that He doesnt want to deal with this at all. He wants it to go away. He is a REPEAT offender. I keep telling him that if he doesnt deal with this, its gonna come back up again. I struggle with the fact that he was willing to throw away our marriage for her, but he wont even tell her husband what they done. Because to this date, he doesnt know. It could end her marriage, well what about us? I am still considering the divorce. After this time – I dont know if I could ever forgive him. He says, I wont do it again. Its not gonna happen.. Well I’ve heard that 3 times before.

This has questioned my whole being as a christian, wife and Mother. I even walked away from the Lord for a period because I blamed him, wondered where he was, while I was still faithfully serving him and my husband wasn’t. I heard soooo many messages preached my different preachers that said – God will not guide, where he will not provide. So, I said that the Lord provided her for him. Even the preachers said so – so it must be true. Thats when I started my walking away, and walked for over a year. Through a friend that has walked my walk – he, helped me see that i was blaming the Lord and I have told the Lord I was really sorry for that and am back to serving him faithfully, but still with struggles. <<<<- honest there. I don't blame him anymore.

I try daily to work on the struggles, but when he wants to just sweep it under the rug (as was done previous times) I am alone with it. He feels that since he confessed to me, stepped down from his duties at church that he's done what he's supposed to do. I feel he should confess to the other spouse as well, and then deal with this stuff.

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Felicia http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-869 Felicia Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:58:07 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-869 The most difficult issue for my husband and I since the revelation of his affair 2 years ago is him being honest with me about the affair. When he first started to share with me the details of his affair my reaction of shock, hurt and disappointment affected him to a point where he is afraid to tell me more thinking that it will hurt me to a point that I may leave him. I've told him many time that if he wants me to ever trust him again he has to be honest with me but I can't seem to get through to him. Our therapist has also told him how important it is for him to be honest but he hasn't been able to get through to him either. The most difficult issue for my husband and I since the revelation of his affair 2 years ago is him being honest with me about the affair. When he first started to share with me the details of his affair my reaction of shock, hurt and disappointment affected him to a point where he is afraid to tell me more thinking that it will hurt me to a point that I may leave him. I’ve told him many time that if he wants me to ever trust him again he has to be honest with me but I can’t seem to get through to him. Our therapist has also told him how important it is for him to be honest but he hasn’t been able to get through to him either.

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Rick_Reynolds http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-868 Rick_Reynolds Wed, 17 Mar 2010 11:48:17 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-868 Do you feel your husband understands what he's done to you? Do you feel he's remorseful, repentant? What does he want? If anything the 911 Marriage course helps give perspective, but it also helps you know that he's in the right place. Here's a link to a video that might help. http://media.affairrecovery.com.s3.amazonaws.com/ems/Into_EMS.wmv I'll be praying for you. RR Do you feel your husband understands what he’s done to you? Do you feel he’s remorseful, repentant? What does he want? If anything the 911 Marriage course helps give perspective, but it also helps you know that he’s in the right place. Here’s a link to a video that might help. http://media.affairrecovery.com.s3.amazonaws.com/ems/Into_EMS.wmv I’ll be praying for you. RR

]]> Comment on Win 911Marriage for free by Rick_Reynolds http://www.911marriageonline.com/2010/03/12/win-911marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-867 Rick_Reynolds Wed, 17 Mar 2010 11:32:45 +0000 http://www.911marriageonline.com/?p=599#comment-867 I certainly hope you husband will take the course with you. I know it would help you communicate what needs to be said to help him understand and it would help you get beyond the guilt so you could begin to focus on your mate. Also in case you're interested I'm beginning a noon course for unfaithful female spouses on Thursday at noon if you're interested. I find that women tend to have more intense shame over their failure therefore they have trouble forgiving themselves. It'd helpful to have other women who are trying to walk the same path. If you're interested you can email at info@hope-now.com. I certainly hope you husband will take the course with you. I know it would help you communicate what needs to be said to help him understand and it would help you get beyond the guilt so you could begin to focus on your mate. Also in case you’re interested I’m beginning a noon course for unfaithful female spouses on Thursday at noon if you’re interested. I find that women tend to have more intense shame over their failure therefore they have trouble forgiving themselves. It’d helpful to have other women who are trying to walk the same path. If you’re interested you can email at info@hope-now.com.

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